My boyfriend told me that before we got close as friends he and his friends used to take the mick out of my nose because it is big. I hate my nose, I used to be really insecure about it and I somewhat sort of got over it. He's made me feel insecure about it and now I feel I don't want to be with him because he may never make me feel beautiful and every time he will compliment me I will think it's a lie. I can't break up with him it’s a stupid reason. How can I get over this and forget it and become secure?
Sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “Your boyfriend has been unbelievably stupid and insensitive to tell you this. It’s no wonder you are furious and thinking about breaking up with him. Anyone would feel the same. What makes it especially sad is that you had battled these insecurities for years and had largely overcome them, only to be plunged back into the world of anxiety by your own boyfriend - the one person who should be fighting your corner and making you feel better about yourself, not worse.
“I’m going to give your boyfriend a second chance, despite the fact that he has been a total idiot. I suspect that he was telling you this because he really does see your nose as an irrelevance and, having got to know you, fancies the pants off you anyway. I imagine he had no idea he would reawaken such deep-seated insecurities about your nose. Talk to him, tell him how hurt you were by his comments and, if his remorse is genuine, then press ahead with the relationship and start employing the coping mechanisms you have done in the past to banish negative thoughts about your nose.
“We all have body parts we wish we could improve, though I imagine lots of men will find your nose deeply attractive. No one is perfect - and that includes your boyfriend and his mates. What is important is your joie de vivre (love of life) and the likeable nature that made your boyfriend fall for you in the first place. I am sure that, in discussing the brain-dead jokes that he and his mates used to crack about your nose, he was doing so because he fancies you so much and can’t see why it would bother you. He should be mortified that he has caused you this heartache and I hope he will do everything he can to make amends. If he isn’t and brushes it off as harmless banter, then I would give him the heave-ho. If he is genuinely sorry then move on with strict instructions that it can never happen again.
“Well done for beating those demons once - now do it again, hopefully with the love and support of a boyfriend who realises that he has screwed up badly.”
Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com
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