Lez asks :

Hi Lucy,

My boyfriend told me that before we got close as friends he and his friends used to take the mick out of my nose because it is big. I hate my nose, I used to be really insecure about it and I somewhat sort of got over it. He's made me feel insecure about it and now I feel I don't want to be with him because he may never make me feel beautiful and every time he will compliment me I will think it's a lie. I can't break up with him it’s a stupid reason. How can I get over this and forget it and become secure?

Hi Lez,

He made fun of my nose with his friends

He made fun of my nose with his friends

When he told you about it- was he apologetic? He may have gone along with the banter to fit in with his friend's opinions rather than forming ones of his own. He might not have meant it or regretted saying it.

People look for an easy target- chances are his friends have something physical that they too are self-conscious about. People who fixate on someone else's features are simply trying to detract away from their own, so this is less about you and more about them. Clearly your boyfriend finds you attractive, or he would not be going out with you- perhaps he was just trying to be honest with you before you found out from everyone else.

Some might say that he should have kept this piece of information to himself but if by hearing this it is highlighting an existing issue with you both, then perhaps it is better that you know and can tell him how much it hurt you to find this out.

If you 'got over it', then perhaps you need recall how you were able to reach that place where your nose didn't matter to you as much. If you were finally able to see it as a beautiful feature, then what your boyfriend thinks is irrelevant. As long as you are happy with yourself then that is all that matters as confidence filters down to others too.

Celebrities like Davina McCall and Tamsin Grieg have prominent noses and are still beautiful women- in fact it's become one of their trademarks- the thing that makes them distinctively attractive.

There are probably things that he is insecure about that you would not bring up because sometimes it's kinder not to. If he can't accept you for being unique then perhaps you need to find someone who will.

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