Dave asks :

Hi Lucy, 

My girlfriend is travelling and admitted there was a moment of weakness where she wanted to get with someone else. She says nothing happened and I 100% believe her but am desperate to find out what actually happened to understand it better. She's back in 2 weeks and isn't seeing him again while away but if she's still in contact I feel I need to find out what she's thinking. Should I address this ASAP over the phone, wait till she's back to discuss it in person or just leave it be? Thanks

 

Hi Dave,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

If you trust her and you believed her when she told you that nothing happened, then it's not a lot to ask to discuss it with her. If you don't think she was lying to you, then it should make the conversation more constructive than accusatory.

It's impossible to judge someone's body language and facial expressions over the phone so perhaps it might be better to wait until she's home before bringing it up. It might be worth letting her settle in rather than asking her the minute she arrives as she may not be in the right frame of mind.

Once she has been with you again for a couple of days she may bring it up herself but if she doesn't then at least you will be able to face her and gauge all of the non-verbal cues while you discuss it which should make things a little easier.

Perhaps try thinking about how you've felt while she's been away- have you come across any temptations too? Have you wanted to be with someone else just because they were closer to you? If you have felt this way then it might be worth sharing this with her so you can show your understanding of why she had the thoughts she did.

It's normal to crave affection and closeness when your partner is way because it feels unnatural when it's absent. But what really matters is what you both do about those feelings. If you can both keep them under control then you should be ok in the future, the problem arises when one of you acts on those feelings of loneliness for all the wrong reasons.


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