Hi there. This may appear petulant but it is bothering me for some strange reason.
When I was in my final year of university, I was grouped with some mean, snobbish young women who were not very nice to me.
We're no longer in contact but this has affected my self-esteem.
I believe those incidents made me nervous and avoidant of groups of girls.
There were lots of snickerings and awkwards silences.
I keep thinking about those incidents and even though they're not in my lives; I need to get over that time.
What do you recommend I do?
Sex and relationship expert Jessican Leoni said: “I would love to know how long ago this incident occurred. I am hoping it was fairly recent - in the last couple of years - because I really don’t want you to waste any more time and opportunities dwelling on such a negative experience from your past.
“Let’s look at the facts. You were the victim here. You were on the receiving end of some ‘mean’ and ‘snobbish’ behaviour from women who were ‘not nice to me’ with lots of ‘snickerings’ and ‘awkward silences’. They sound absolutely hideous. Thank your lucky stars that they are no longer in your life. No doubt they have moved on and are shattering the self-confidence of other women who they feel are beneath them.
“We all dwell on uncomfortable incidents from our past. It is not healthy but is a part of life. Sometimes this kind of reflection can be useful. Perhaps we have stepped out of line and there are mistakes we have made that we can learn from and make sure we do not repeat. That is not the case here: you were completely blameless but have been haunted for years by these women’s callousness. The fact that you are struggling to move on from this snub and it is still impacting on your behaviour (you are even now avoidant of groups of girls) does indicate some deeper self-esteem issues which you need to address. I think you would benefit from some counselling to help you move on from past negative experiences. You need to stop fixating on previous setbacks and concentrate more on current positives. You are right: you need to get over that time. And you will do this by embarking on a strategy that involves you locking away those memories that continue to haunt you and celebrating all the good things that are happening in your life right now.”
Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com
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