Rabbit asks :

Hi Lucy, 

Shall I go back? I've had a truly terrible month. I found out I was pregnant 9 weeks ago after a second gruelling course of IVF. Words can't express how happy we were. Then, 5 weeks ago my husband did something very, very stupid, and as a result, is in prison in Norway. He will probably be out in less than 6 months’ time. We have fairly recently moved abroad, we live in the most beautiful house, which I absolutely love, but all my friends and family live in the UK. I have a few work acquaintances here, but no-one I can tell about my husband’s current situation. A week ago, I found out our baby has no heartbeat and has died and I am currently going through a miscarriage. A few people know here but no one realises I am on my own, lonely and very sad. I've thought about packing up and going back to the UK so I can be around my friends and family, but I will be unemployed, with 2 dogs, not much money, and the thought of having to rent a tiny house with no garden and in a bad area really depresses me. I'm really struggling to get up and do anything. I don't want to eat, or get dressed. I miss my husband so much.


Hi Rabbit,

I don't know what to do

I don't know what to do

This sounds like a difficult situation anyway- but the fact that you are going through it alone makes it seem overwhelming for you right now.

You could make contact with your friends or a family member to talk first- by Skype or phone call just so you can offload. It sounds lie you are holding all of this in and just need to let it out to someone you can trust. That could be your first step, so you don't feel so alone.

Could you ask to move in with one of your friends or family member for a little while just to get the support it sounds you so desperately need to get through this? Perhaps they will offer you a room for a while so you can feel safe both for you and your dogs? If you have already considered this then perhaps you need to trust your gut and go back just until your partner is back with you.

Or would someone you are close to be willing to come over and see you? That way you can stay in the house you love and still see those you care about and give you that incentive to get up and get dressed.

Of course you want your husband right now, but in his absence you need to make contact with someone else. No-one should have to go through this alone. There is no shame in asking for help from the people back home if you would do the same for them.

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