Vet Student asks :

Hi Lucy, 

I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months. We live far apart and have recently gone 5 weeks without seeing each other as I am a student and had exams, and he has a job. 

About 3 months ago he had a crisis, saying he had second thoughts about our relationship. We worked through this and both put it down to stress as he had an interview. 

Last night, after weeks of not seeing each other we had a huge argument, in which I thought he said he didn't want to be with me. He then drove 150 miles to my house immediately after this fight on the phone and gave me flowers and chocolates and apologised for being an idiot. 

He denied saying he doesn't want to be with me, he told me it was miscommunication. He said he was worried that my feelings were getting stronger whilst he is 'not quite there yet' but insists he really does like me and wants to be with me. 

Now I don't know what to do, am I being an idiot to give him another chance?

 

Hi Vet Student,

I'm not sure

I'm not sure

It sounds like being in a long distance relationship has had its ups and downs for you both, especially while you've not been able to travel to see each other for so long. With that said- you managed to work through the last hurdle which shows you both care about each other.

Perhaps he said he had second thoughts because he couldn't physically be with you when he was going through a stressful time. Maybe this is something he really craves when he feels worried about a situation. An interview is a stressful time anyway but combine that with not being able to talk to you about it face to face- it might have just been too overwhelming for him.

Perhaps you are sensitive to it now you've heard him say once that he was unsure about the relationship. This may be why you thought it again last night. Or maybe he did say it in error and he is backtracking. If he drove all that way to see you and apologise then it sounds like he is sorry and still has feelings for you, even if they aren't as strong as yours yet. A person would not go to all that effort if there wasn't something there. It seems that he misses having you close.

He has said that you might be falling for each other at different paces so at least you know where you stand. If you don't fall in love at the same time- this doesn't necessarily mean the end of your relationship but you have to be honest with one another every step of the way or someone will likely get hurt. If he had/has doubts is it wrapped up in how far you are away from one another?

It is ultimately up to you if you want to give him another chance- but if you do- perhaps some better communication will help you to understand where each of you is at emotionally. Maybe you could make an extra effort to see each other more often as this might ease some of the pressure.


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