Anonymous asks:

I have recently just been on holiday with my best friend. Our boyfriends stayed at home. 

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months and we are very much in love. 

Whilst on holiday though he started arguing with me accusing me of being with a guy he noticed I followed on Instagram whilst I was away. This guy was just a singer in the bar we went to. Nothing else. 

I tried to explain this to my boyfriend, but he wouldn’t listen. He kept calling me a liar and being really hurtful. He says it’s over. 

I continued to text him asking him to speak to me and sort this out, but he called me a tramp and a lying whore. I think this is disgusting behaviour. 

I have been home a day and he still has not tried to contact me or see me. I am really hurt and upset by this. The things he has called me are unforgivable. It makes me think he never cared or loved me. 

I don’t know whether to remove myself from the situation and end it. This is the last thing I want to do. 

He is very stubborn, and I know he won’t message me- this is another reason I feel like he doesn’t care about me. 

I love and care for him so much, but I just don’t know how I can see past how he has spoken to me and treated me. 

Please can you help me.

 

Sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “The first thing to stress is that you have done absolutely wrong and you right to call your boyfriend out over his ‘disgusting behaviour.’ He has behaved appallingly and you are right to consider breaking off all contact with him.

Agony Aunt on Female First

Agony Aunt on Female First

However, you clearly want to give him another chance and hope that you can return to the happy state you were in before this holiday when you were ‘very much in love.’ I don’t blame you. Finding the right match is incredibly difficult and it sounds like you had a great relationship before his jealousy destroyed it.

You know your boyfriend well and I am sure you are right when you say that he will continue to blank you despite your best efforts to get him to think straight. I would go around and see him in person and see if you can talk some sense into him. I am sure you have done previously but explain to him that your new male friend was a singer you liked and there is nothing for him to fear from you following him on Instagram. Explain how much you love him, how you want to get the relationship back on track but be clear that you will make this offer only once and he should not let his stubbornness get in the way of you reigniting your love for one another.

If he is prepared to let you back in, then is the time to have a proper discussion about his lack of trust which is likely to destroy your relationship a second time if he doesn’t address this issue. Rest assured, there will be another occasion where he gets it into his head that you have cheated/wanted someone else whenever you go out without him. He clearly has serious self-esteem issues which cause him to behave irrationally and fly off the handle.

Finally, you will need to address his abusiveness. To call any woman a ‘tramp and a lying whore’ is, frankly, appalling. I totally get why you are struggling to ‘see past how he has spoken to me and treated me.’ For most women, this behaviour would be a deal breaker and there would be no way back for your abusive boyfriend. But I can tell that you love him very much and I would hate to see you abandon the chance of recapturing that special love you shared if there is a chance he will change.

You ask whether your boyfriend cares about you. Of course, he does. He cares too much: that explains his bitter jealousy. 

You should know very soon if the situation is salvageable and whether your boyfriend is prepared to work with you on his behavioural issues. If he is, good luck. If he isn’t, you have had a lucky escape because you are too good for him and you don’t want to waste another moment on a man who has serious self-esteem issues he needs to address. 

Jessica is a relationship expert for the dating site IllicitEncounters.com 


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