Stu asks :

Hi Lucy,


Around 30 years ago, I was seeing a girl and everything was great until she became pregnant. I wanted her to keep the baby but her parents made her get an abortion. After this- for a few weeks I was allowed to see her then she rang saying could we meet up. When we did, she told me she was going to university in Bath and didn't want to ever see me again even though she said she would think about what we had every day. She ended up married and then divorced with a daughter. After all these years I've known her parents- I actually get on with her dad but her mother won't speak to me. The reason for this message is I have nightmares about what happened at least twice a week. I'm happily married with a daughter but I just want to see her and have a coffee to say sorry. Am I wrong to feel this way? And do I try and contact her? Thanks

Hi Stu,

She was pregnant with my child

She was pregnant with my child

Perhaps the reason you have not put this to bed is because she said she would think about what you had every day and maybe you are still doing the same. If her parents forced her to get an abortion then maybe you thought she was forced into breaking up with you too if she was upset when she ended things?

If you met up with her again it might open old wounds for it has been a long time now to bring it up only to make an apology. What if she has moved on? What would you be saying sorry for? How would your partner feel about you meeting up with an ex? Have you talked to your other half about your past relationships? Or this one in particular? Getting in touch with an ex partner might be confusing for your wife, so perhaps try to be understanding of how it would look from her side of things if you do decide to seek your ex out to tell her how you feel. 

Maybe some counselling would help here for it sounds like you need to talk to someone about this if it is still lingering in your dreams thirty years on. This might help you to decide if it’s worth contacting her again or leaving it be and what exactly you want her forgiveness for. 

by for
find me on and follow me on

tagged in

Need Help?

If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.