I am due my first child in a month.
I have requested just wooden natural items to try and be as eco friendly as possible but also I don't think babies need flashing lights, loud noises etc.
My sister bought us a plastic play mat, with an all singing, all dancing keyboard type thing attached to it.
I said I was so grateful for the present and the amazing thought but we had one in mind if they wanted to get us that?
My whole family have called me out and shouted at me saying I'm so ungrateful and selfish.
She spent a lot of time researching that particular one and they said I should get off my high horse as I need to have a plastic pram and a plastic car seat?!
Anyway, I feel awful. I need help going forward.
Do I say thanks and then not use it or stick with my values and suggest an alternative?
I know things change when you have a baby I just wanted to try and do things my way a little.
Relationship expert Jessican Leoni said: “I can see both sides of this argument. You are approaching the most momentous time of your life - you are perfectly entitled to bring up your baby as you see fit and if you want natural wooden items for your beloved, you are right to have them. You are probably stressed up to your eyeballs and the last thing you need is a lot of earache from your family at such a delicate time. I cannot believe that your family didn’t collectively bite their lips and butt out of this one.
“Having said all that, I think you were wrong, too, to suggest an alternative gift from your sister when she had made such an effort buying the first one. Yes, her gift was totally inappropriate for you. Yes, your own sister should have known better and should have picked up on the fact that you wanted to go down a more eco-route. But she is your sister: she loves you and she was doing everything she could to support you. Now your sister - and the rest of your family - feel like you threw that kindness back in her face. That is not good, whatever way you look at it.
“The answer here is that age old adage: give and take. Bringing up a first child is just about the toughest thing we do in our lives - tougher than the second, third or fourth because we learn lots of valuable lessons the first time. And the most valuable lesson with a first-born is this: you need all the support you can get. Yes, your family have been hugely insensitive in blowing this up into a row. But you gave them that opportunity by calling out your sister’s gift and provoking a confrontation.
“So I think you say thanks for the gift and then chuck it in a cupboard and forget about it. Or just get it out for an hour when your sister visits and occupy your child in other ways so that they don’t actually use the mat. Over time, your family will pick up on the route you are taking with your baby and I am sure they will embrace it.
“Moving forward: no more confrontations, bite your lip when others are offending you and learn to be a little more understanding. It probably sounds like I am taking their side. I’m not: I stress again, they were wrong for all jumping on your back over this. But you sound like a really kind and sensitive person and I think peace will break out far more quickly if you make the first move in repairing the damage.“
Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com
Hello. My boyfriend is leaving for the army and I won’t be able to see him until Christmas. I’m currently struggling with anorexia and he is the only person I speak to. I’m scared of feeling lonely. He’s my only comfort blanket and I don’t know how to deal with him leaving. He normally facetimes me every night to help me sleep but he obviously can’t because he’s not allowed his phone. Is there anything you could help me with? Any distraction ideas?... to read more click HERE
tagged in agony aunt
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.