Spark asks :
Hi Lucy,
There's this guy I'm in love with. He loves me too but he has a phobia of commitment. He literally chickened out as soon as he realized that he started loving me so much. He said that he thinks he'll hurt me in the future. I once objected to him smoking and be thought I was trying to change him. I explained everything to him very patiently and we've stopped talking now. I miss him terribly. I don't know how we will resume our relationship ever again.
Hi Spark,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If he has doubts over whether he will hurt you in the future then perhaps you've had a lucky escape. It might not have been a very secure relationship if he wasn't sure he could trust himself.
It sounds like he is not ready to change his ways for you- which was possibly demonstrated in his defensive reaction to your objection to his smoking. This unwillingness to adjust to you might also extend to fidelity too.
If you only recently stopped talking then it will still be quite raw, however it will get easier with time. Perhaps you are better off looking for someone whom you can trust not to hurt you and who doesn't smoke- if that is important to you.
It seems that he is not ready to commit or change his ways for the sake of a partner, so perhaps the falling out has given you the distance you need to move on.
tagged in Relationship
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