Harriet asks :

Hi Lucy,

My partner has left his wife after 43 years and although he doesn't regret it, he is struggling with the guilt and has started to blow hot and cold with me. One day declaring his undying love the next saying he is not sure if we are right for each other. How do I give him the space he needs without being a doormat?


Hi Harriet,

He's blowing hot and cold with me

He's blowing hot and cold with me

Even if he wants to be with you- leaving his wife will still come as a huge adjustment as his life is about to change dramatically so he might be feeling confused right now.

It sounds like giving him some space might be what he needs to let everything sink in.

If he has left her for you- chances are he still wants to be with you- however the reaction of his wife may have made him feel guilty or sorry for her. He may not want to be with her but it's likely he still cares for her after so many years together. This could be why he's pulled away from you on occasion.

There is no saying how long it will take him for things to settle so perhaps just allow him some time to adjust.

With that said it sounds like you need some assurances, so perhaps when things have calmed down you could talk to him and ask him what he really wants for the future, so you're not left hanging.

It sounds like him blowing hot and cold is leaving you feeling unsure of your relationship together, however there will be a lot of legal and emotional demands on him right now so his reaction to you may have been a result of that. You will probably have a better idea of where you stand once the initial shock has subsided- it might just be too early days.

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