I’m currently 22 and going to be 23 very soon but I can help but feel like there’s something wrong with me.
I’ve never been in a relationship (serious or otherwise).
I’ve never had a fling or my first kiss or even been on a date.
It’s not like I don’t want to, all my family and friends around me are engaged or have partners and are always asking me if I’m seeing anyone.
It’s getting to the point I just avoid gatherings as I know I’ll have to say ‘no’ and come up with some flimsy excuse.
When the real reason is I have no idea, it’s not from lack of trying, I just don’t seem to meet people or when I do I usually get overlooked.
It’s getting to the point where even I’m concerned, at this point even if I were to find someone I’ve never been on a date or kissed someone and I’m still a virgin would they think I was strange.
I really don’t know what else to try.
Sex and relationship expert Jessican Leoni said: “First of all, it is important to stress that you are not ‘strange’ and there is nothing unusual in your predicament. There are lots and lots people out there looking for love and getting very little response from the opposite sex. You are fixating on all the success stories around you - all your friends and family who are engaged - but, take it from me, those struggling and still looking for the right match far outnumber them. Finding the right partner is tricky - why do you think almost four out of ten marriages end in divorce? And do you really think all those friends and family of yours who are engaged are all in perfect relationships?- that won’t be the case. Many of them will be struggling and wondering if they would be better off with someone else. The grass is NOT always greener on the other side.
“Now let’s look more deeply at your problems attracting a partner of any sort. I am encouraged that you say that your lack of success is ‘not from a lack of trying.’ Many people who are perennially single seem to imagine that they simply have to sit and wait and a knight in shining armour will come and sweep them off their feet. Life simply isn’t like that. Good relationships come through hard work. It is the same with everything in life: if you put in the effort, you tend to be rewarded. And this is where I think you are going wrong - you need to work harder and finesse your approach a little more. Let’s take dating apps and websites - great places to find love. You say that you have tried them but haven’t got anywhere. But have you really tried? Did you post a picture with your profile? Studies show you boost your chances of getting a match by 300% with a good profile picture. This isn’t just the first picture that comes up on your phone - put some work into presenting the very best version of you or go through all your old pictures and find the one that shows you in the very best light. Do some research and find out the triggers needed in a profile which are likely to get you a match. Show your profile to a friend before you post it and see if any improvements can be made. Once you have the right profile, be proactive in how you date online. If you see someone you like, reach out to them. Yes, you will get rejections - maybe several. But there will be lots of guys on those sites like you - who’ve had no success and are longing for some interaction. I guarantee you will get some dates if you take a more positive approach.
“Your friends are a key part of your fight back strategy. They know you better than anyone and can point out ways you can present yourself in a better light. Maybe they can fix you up with someone in their gang. They can look you in the eye and tell you the real reasons where you are going wrong.
“Understandably, all the rejection has knocked your confidence and you have got to the stage where you are avoiding gatherings because you don’t want to go on your own. I get how intimidating it can be to face the world on your own but those gatherings - wedding, parties, nights down the pub - are where you are going to meet someone special. Be bold and get out there. You sound like a great catch. Don’t be afraid to make the first move if you see a guy who you think would be a good match. You never know: he could be just like you - looking for his first love, too, and longing for a woman to make the first move because he is too afraid to do so himself.”
Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com
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