Anonymous asks:

My partner never makes an effort.

We have been together 11 years- at first the sex was amazing (everyday) and she made the effort. 

Now after 2 kids she never wants it- I make the effort and try and do what I can to get her in the mood. 

Even when we do have sex, I have to start it and she just lies there as if she's saying ‘fine get it over and done with’. 

I've tried romantic meals, massages buying her nice things to feel sexy but I get nothing in return. 

I do everything around the house- we both work (I work more than her and still do everything). I want us to be connected. What shall I do?

 

Sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “What a mess! I really feel for you. What is worrying about this situation is that you have tried all the obvious things to remedy the situation and they still haven’t worked.

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

“I think you need to sit your partner down and tell her straight that you cannot go on as you are and she is jeopardising your long-term happiness and possibly your relationship. I would take an even tougher line but you clearly have two young children and they have to be your priority. It is vital that you are your partner resolve these issues for their benefit. They are best served by having a mum and dad who stick together and are obviously happy and in love. Kids mimic their partners’ emotional relationships in later life and they will suffer from seeing you both so unhappy and distant.

“The one ray of light is your description of the early days of your relationship. “Amazing sex every day and your partner really making an effort". It is perfectly understandable that things have tailed off a little since then particularly with two young children. But there is no reason why you both cannot recapture just a little of that passion. Is there any way that you can get a relative to look after the kids for a weekend or even one night?  Book a hotel and just focus on each other. I know you have tried similar tricks but this time you will be away from your home - she might respond to the subtle pressure being applied and want to recreate the ‘amazing’ sex you once shared. Make the trip even more exciting with some romantic gestures - maybe create a little time capsule celebrating your relationship with romantic pictures and any especially touching or poignant messages you have shared. If that doesn’t make the earth move for her, nothing will.

“I do worry about your partner. I suspect that she may be depressed which would explain her lethargy and inability to connect. She would benefit from seeing her GP and talking about those issues in depth. She may not feel that she has a problem but there is clearly something amiss. I hate to say it, but she may have fallen out of love with you which would explain her total lack of consideration towards you.You clearly need to get to the bottom of the situation and that can only be done by you both talking honestly and facing up to the root causes of her unhappiness. The one thing you cannot do is continue as you are. Good luck. You are a good man and I really hope she comes to her senses and realises just what she is in danger of losing.” 

Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com 


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