Sarah asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have 3 amazing children who are in their late 20's - It seems that 2 of them have lack of respect for me as their mum. I feel they bully me when things are not going so well for them and despite all my efforts!! I feel my husband may have contributed to their lack of respect as he has always preferred to be a friend rather than a parent. The result of this led to me being the ogre as I have tried to work hard to keep them on the straight and narrow. They really are great people and I have told them that on many occasions, but when the going gets tough for them, they appear to take it out on me. One of my sons has supported his long-term partner with her mum, who has fought breast cancer and is very respectful towards me. The other two really hurt my feelings and turn their back on me even when I am being kind to them. Right now I feel unworthy and just want to do a Shirley Valentine - then they might realise I am a valuable person!
Our Reply
Hi Sarah,
This sounds disappointing; that you are not getting the support you need from the people closest to you in your life.
Have you talked to them about this? If not then perhaps sit down with them individually and tell them how their behaviour is making you feel. If they have got into the habit of acting a certain way around you and it has not been addresses right away, then this won’t change unless they are made aware of it.
Perhaps remind them of everything you have done for them and how you would like to be treat in return. Or ask them if you have done anything to warrant their attitude towards you.
If you feel like your partner is not helping or supporting you then maybe a conversation with him might also be beneficial. All three might not even realise that their combined behaviour is getting to you as much as it is. It you tell them that you are thinking of leaving then maybe this will jolt them into the reality of the situation and to make more of an effort.
You other son was likely reminded of how precious you are in his life because of what happened to his partner’s mum, so he has a little more appreciation of you and the situation.
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.