Anonymous asks:

We have a lot of sporty couple friends who enjoy doing things like tennis and going to the gym together. My partner goes to the gym and he always make unkind comments about how I should go with him to be like his 'fit' friends. It's really getting me down. I can't think of anything worse. I prefer walking in the outdoors - but I know I am overweight, and I feel like he's telling me in a round about way to drop a few dress sizes. Is he being unreasonable, or should I just go to keep the peace?

Relationship expert Jessica Leoni says: “Your partner is being completely unreasonable but that doesn’t mean to say that you should not exercise more and try to overcome the feelings of low self-esteem that you are experiencing.

Image courtesy of Unsplash

Image courtesy of Unsplash

“Part of me does have a real downer on your partner. It is unbelievably cruel and heartless to compare you unfavourably with his ‘fit’ friends. He emphatically is sending you a message to drop a few dress sizes. Why I find his behaviour so unforgivable is because he knows that you hate the gym and there is little chance of you joining him and his ‘fit’ friends at their work-outs.

“Walking outdoors is a great form of exercise. If I were you, I would try to do a little more and watch my diet a little more closely. You could easily lose the ‘few dress sizes’ with some sensible changes to your routine and better eating. Watch how your confidence soars as you lose the weight and get the added buzz by exercising more (it releases mood enhancing endorphins which make us feel better).

“It is obvious that you love your partner very much. The fact that you think an option is to keep quiet about his outrageous jibes concerning your weight shows how keen you are to keep him on side. I would call him out over those jibes. Tell him you don’t appreciate these unflattering comparisons with his ‘fit’ friends and that you are working in your own way at losing the excess weight and getting fitter. Perhaps suggest that he comes on a few of the walks you enjoy. Or maybe meet him in the middle as your self esteem (and figure) improves - for every walk he does with you, you will join him and your friends at the gym for a session. By then, hopefully, you will all be ‘fit’ friends together.

“It does sound that you and your partner have got stuck in a rather unhealthy rut, but I am sure you can both get out of it with a little give and take and a little more compassion and understanding shown on his side.”

Jessica is a relationship expert for the dating site 

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