Hi, I need advice.
Due to coronavirus me and my boyfriend were separated until I was allowed to stay with him and his family on a weekend.
Since then he has come to mine but there was tension within my house and a little situation occurred where both my boyfriend and mum felt uncomfortable being in the same room. This caused problems between me and my boyfriend as I was trying to defend my parents to my partner who didn’t at this stage believe that he was liked.
This situation basically confirmed the dislike for him.
Since this occurred me and my boyfriend have resolved our issues and are going very strong however my family are now telling me I’m becoming distant for wanting to spend time with him and are making me quite uncomfortable at home, but seem to be putting the blame onto my boyfriend.
Although I’ve said that the decision to see him on a weekend are mine, they are now telling me I’m in the wrong because it makes them feel bad.
I should probably mention that my boyfriend lives on the other side of London to me so I only get to see him on a weekend because of work and because we both live at home with parents.
I’m at a loss at what to do, it seems they don’t want me to be with him but I don’t want to lose him.
Relationship expert Jessican Leoni said: “This Covid crisis is a nightmare for all of us. It is not just the profound restrictions on our movements that is making life so difficult at present, but the accommodations we are all having to make to abide by social distancing are creating issues such as yours which makes me very sad.
“You are young and you have fallen in love with a boy your parents are at best lukewarm about and, at worst, openly hostile to. Covid has crammed you all together a little and brought out tensions which might well just have bubbled under the surface if it wasn’t for this crisis. But they are out there out in the open now and likely to stay there if the situation is not resolved.
“You obviously come from a loving family. I am sure your parents are good people who want the best for you. For whatever reason, your boyfriend and your parents have got off on the wrong foot. It is difficult to know who is to blame but it strikes me that the situation can be resolved. Whilst not taking sides, you need to stress to your parents that you love your boyfriend very much and he is here to stay. Stress too that they mean the world to you and you are desperate for them to embrace your relationship and give your boyfriend another chance. They should come around when they see how happy he is making you.
“Your parents do seem a little possessive and there are elements of their behaviour that do concern me. I don’t like the fact that they are ‘making you uncomfortable in your own home’ and the fact they are putting all the blame on your boyfriend when any blame should go three ways - to them, you and your boyfriend.
“Make your case to them. Tell them that you love your boyfriend and you want to be able to bring him home as much as you like. Tell them how much you love them and stress that if they love you they should want to see you being happy with him. If they fail to come around, I would, in the short-term, spend more of your time over at your boyfriend’s. When they see that they are in danger of losing their daughter I am sure they will come around and properly embrace your happiness. This last scenario is unlikely to happen, though: I am sure your parents will see sense long before then.”
Jessica is a relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com
tagged in agony aunt
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.