How can I still love the man I met online knowing what I do now?

21 May 2021

Sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “I’m very sorry to hear about your problems. The fairly obvious solution here is to forget about this man who clearly is a bad apple and will make your life a misery if you waste any more time on him. I am sure your friends have already told you this but you clearly want me to suggest a way forward that will somehow result in a miraculous reconciliation. Well, I have bad news, because that just isn’t going to happen.

Image courtesy of Pixabay

“There is a big clue as to his real intentions in the way that you met him - online. Online dating is awash with chancers like your former married boyfriend who set up profiles on a whim, despite being married, and see who they can string along with messages sent from a computer or phone. I know that millions of people meet fantastic new partners every day online dating but it is a minefield and needs to be treated with extreme care. People make up lives for themselves in online profiles and email or text interactions that are not rooted in reality. It is very difficult to check people out in the same way you can when you meet a new partner through work or through an introduction by friends.

“I’m not saying you should abandon online dating. I am saying that you should go about it with a little more care and circumspection. You are clearly an extremely vulnerable person who falls in love quickly and can easily get hurt in the shark pool that is modern online dating.

“Stop emailing this man and forget about him. By all means start looking for the new Mr Right online but also try other methods of dating. Stress to your friends that you are looking for love and would like an introduction to someone nice. Badger friends to take you to a new bar now that lockdown is ending. Get yourself out there and, when you do get a bite from someone promising, have your guard up a little more than you did with this chancer. Maybe do some checks online to see if he really is genuine. I am sure if you had done that with your ex you would have discovered that he was married. It is very difficult to hide a marriage from your online digital footprint. Make sure that the relationship is out in the open and being conducted in the flesh rather than just through online connections. Introduce any new boyfriend to your friends and genuinely listen to their feedback. They will be able to spot a wrong ‘un a mile off in a way that you possibly cannot. You WILL fall in love again but make sure it is with someone you can trust.”

Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com 

RELATED: How can I trust my girlfriend after what I read on her phone?

I have been with my girlfriend for just over 12 months. After a few months of dating we ran into two men in a bar that she knew. I was introduced to them and they soon left. Months later I searched her messages and I found messages to a man saying “Sorry about that. I’ve met a new man and didn’t want to stuff it up. If it doesn’t work out we can always hook up.” ...