Anonymous asks :

I have started a new relationship with someone, but after being hurt in the past I find it very hard to trust again. 

He is seven years younger and continuously on his phone. 

I confronted him about a message on WhatsApp and he said it was a scam.

 

Sex and relationship expert Jessican Leoni said: “You have provided very few details so it is difficult for me to be too firm in my judgements. My gut instinct is that you are right to be wary of this new man. I don’t know whether the WhatsApp message was a scam - you are in a far better place to judge that than me but his story does seem a little far fetched. I suspect that he was messaging someone else and you are right to be wary of him

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

“The question you need to ask yourself is whether he is worth sticking with and will he change if you properly confront him over the messages. It is hard to give him the benefit of the doubt when he is behaving in this way so early on in a relationship. You are still in the honeymoon period when all his attention should be focused on you and already he is messing you around and making you suspicious. I’m sorry if I sound overly negative but these are all very worrying signs.

“The one saving grace for him is your history. You say that you have been hurt in the past and find it very hard to trust again. It could be that these past experiences have understandably made you a little paranoid and you are jumping to conclusions. You need to make an honest assessment of the situation and work out in your head what is going on. “Deep down I think you know if your partner is contacting other women. If you really feel that is the case, then I don’t think you have a future together. If he is doing it now when you have just got together, the problem will only get worse over time.

“Let’s say I am wrong and there was an innocent explanation for the suspicious Whatsapp message. Stress to your partner that you have issues over trust and this makes you extremely wary because of your past experiences. Say that you really want to commit to him but he needs to win your trust and the best way to do that is not by being continuously on his phone acting suspiciously. Hopefully he will realise that his behaviour is adding to your paranoia and he will change his ways.”

Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com


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