Anonymous asks :

I've been with my partner for 11 years but recently all we do is argue. 

He's always been controlling and insecure but it's got so hard to please him. 

I moved my whole life to another town where I know nobody 4 years ago (his hometown) and I just want to get out more. 

Very recently I was in a situation where I met a neighbour who is straight and married with a 6 month old and we ended up being intimate. This has happened 3 times since. 

I feel bad, but also want more. I don’t know what to do.

 

Sex and relationship expert Jessican Leoni said: “I really feel for you and worry for the future of your relationship. You have made huge sacrifices for your partner - shifting your whole life to an alien town to be with him - and I am not sure that he is worthy of your love. You say that you argue all the time and he is ‘controlling’, ‘insecure’ and hard to please. All these faults are major alarm bells to me. I appreciate that you have gone through a huge amount of upheaval to be with your partner but is he worth staying with? I am not so sure. It sounds to me that you have outgrown the relationship and need to get away from this needy man who is only causing you misery.

Image courtesy of Pixabay

Image courtesy of Pixabay

“Now let’s deal with the affair. The fact that you embarked on the affair shows me that the relationship with your partner is doomed. No doubt you found the sex exciting and loved being with a man who isn’t needy and controlling. The thrill of seeing someone new has opened your eyes to the fact that there must be more to life than being stuck in a dead-end relationship. You are right to ‘want more’ - but getting more is going to involve moving on from your partner AND your lover. It will also involve big life decisions. Do you stay in his hometown or move back to where you lived before? Only you will know how achievable that is. 

“While I think you need to move on from your partner, I don’t think your neighbour is the answer. He has a six-month-old child and that little one should be everyone’s priority - not just his but yours too. That child will benefit from a stable home with two loving parents. I have no idea about the state of your lover’s marriage, though clearly there are major problems if he is cheating so soon after having his first child. Having a crying baby in the house, and the exhausting routine of caring for a newborn, can kill sex for many new parents and particularly affect the libido of new mothers. That looks like what has happened here and her husband has gone looking for some passion down the road. I have a little sympathy for this man. He knew what he was getting in for when he embarked on fatherhood and his wife deserves more loyalty. 

“If I were you, I would get out of your relationship with your partner and I would get out of this affair, too. You are right to ‘want more’ - we should all be emotionally ambitious and want the greatest emotional fulfillment from our lives and you won’t get this in your current circumstances.”

Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com 

MORE: Should I tell my partner about the thoughts I've been having? 


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