Rebecca asks :

Hi Lucy,

I was casually seeing a guy for 1 month. We went out 4 times a week for drinks and had a laugh. He's always very tactile but we never slept with each other. Then we had a heart to heart. I told him that I wanted a relationship. He said he didn't know what he wanted. He said liked me a lot and there was definitely no one else so I said ‘well you know where I am if you change your mind’. 

A week passed and his text so I said ‘are you back for a relationship?’ He said he still didn't know so again I walked away. 

This time he left it 2 weeks and came back again. This time he didn't want to go to the pub he wanted to talk so we talked. He did everything to make it happen for us to sleep with each other. He told me I'm the love of his life but some weekends he goes home and I hear nothing from him. I'm so confused- it’s not like we’re kids he's 53 and I'm 45. Please help.

 

Hi Rebecca,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

It seems that you both want different things here. If he's confused then it might hurt you less to walk away. If you were to bend your own rules to fall in line with his you may end up worse off here and going against what you believe and want.

It sounds like he wants to sleep with you but is not willing to commit afterwards. If he really wanted to make it work he would be in contact and see you more often. If he is able to leave such large amounts of time between seeing you, then perhaps his actions show his level of commitment to you. He may tell you he loves you but is he just telling you what you want to hear?

Perhaps by telling you that he's confused about what he wants is making you hang on to the possibility of him leaning more towards commitment?

You mention your ages- if what you are looking for is someone who wants the same things as you do then maybe it's a matter of emotional maturity and your level doesn't match with his?


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