Anonymous asks:

I’m in love with 2 people. 

Man 1: I’ve known for 7 years and our paths have crossed so many times it’s actually a recurring joke. 

When we are together he’s emotionally invested even though at the start there was an instant attraction. 

There is a considerable age gap but we've both talked about how we feel and want the same things. 

He now lives in another country but we stay in touch. 

Man 2: We’ve been in a relationship for 4 years and are a similar age and have talked about a future together.

 

Sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “You don’t actually say what advice you are looking for but you are understandably torn between these two guys and I imagine you want me to say whether you should pick one over the other.  It’s tricky with such scant details and you don’t say whether the two men know about each other. I suspect not - that means you are probably lying to one if not both of them which is not good. 

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

“From the tone of your letter it looks like you favour man number 1. I would be wary of this option. Most importantly, he lives in another country - long distance relationships are tough and expensive to keep up. I don’t imagine you are planning to emigrate so you could be travelling for years while you keep this relationship going. Is it really worth all that hassle? I ask because you have known him for seven years and neither of you has made a commitment previously. That is a long time to make your mind up. Why haven’t either of you taken the plunge before? I suspect because you both like the idea of being in love more than the reality. You see each other fleetingly and then part without losing those first excited flutters of love. If you were together all the time, would he seem so enticing?

“I am inclined to say stick with man number 2 but only if you really are in love with him, as you say. And if you are, why are you pining for man number 1? Is man number 2 a little dull? Is he the safe and predictable option? If he is, then I wouldn’t necessarily choose him over man number 1 because, as hard as you try, it will be difficult to be faithful to him and move on from man number 1 who will always be in your thoughts. You will be plagued by ‘what ifs’. I am not against relationships with big age gaps but I think it is an advantage that he is closer in age to you than man number 1.

“So my advice is stick with man number 2 but only if that future you have planned together really excites you. Sticking with him means cutting off all contact with man number 1 because you cannot go on juggling two plates. If a future with man number 2 doesn’t excite you then take a risk on man number 1, but it is a big risk and you may end up losing them both.”

Jessica is a relationship expert for the dating site IllicitEncounters.com 


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