Charlotte asks :

Hi Lucy,

I've been in a submissive relationship with an older man for the last 8 months; sometimes he's violent and possessive, but recently he's told me that his love for me is intrinsic and that I'm his girlfriend. For the duration of our relationship, I was confused and depressed so he allowed me to talk to another boy of my age, so long as it didn't get serious. I've fallen in love with this boy and have told him more or less everything: he still wants to be with me. However, I love my Master and feel obligated to stay with him. I don't, want to hurt either of them. What should I do?

Our Reply

Hi Charlotte,

Two things have come out from what you have told me- for the duration of your time together you have been ‘confused and depressed’ and you feel ‘obligated’ to stay with your master. Both of these indicate that perhaps you don’t love him and that the lifestyle you have with him isn’t suited to you, as all of these are negatives that you are attributing to him.

A submissive relationship can take some time to adjust to but after 8 months you are feeling like it still not fitting for you- then perhaps you need to break free of this.

If this other man understands you and what you have been through and still wants to be with you then he could be the one. If you are sure that you love him and there is a difference in the feelings you have for him compared to your master then perhaps you should go with whomever makes you feel happy and clear about yourself and what you want.

It is noble not to want to hurt either of them, but you also have to think about yourself. If what you really want is to be free from your master and free from this other guy then do so. You might have gravitated towards this other man because he is so different in his behaviours compared to the way your master treats you. Perhaps what you prefer in a relationship is not be possessed and not to receive violence from your partner.

If you were not well rehearsed in the dom-sub arrangement then perhaps it was one step too far and what you were really looking for was some more light-hearted bondage to experiment with first in a less controlled environment.  

You are under no obligation to stay with either of them so perhaps think about what you want rather than how they will feel- you have to think about your own self-care first.

          


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