Anonymous asks:

Hi! Hoping for some advice. 

Myself and hubby have two beautiful children. 

We decided after our second born we were done with children. 

But.. over the past few months I have changed my mind. 

I tried to put it to the back of my head but I couldn't. 

I really want another baby. I love being a mum, I love children and we have a really great relationship as husband and wife and as a family. 

My hubby 100% doesn't want any more children and I understand and respect his choice but I can't get rid of the feeling of wanting another child. 

I would never go against his wish of adding to the family but I am just a little lost. 

Should I just wait and see if he changes his mind or should I just get rid of all hope? Thanks! X

 

Martina Mercer says: Hi there, you don’t mention what ages your children are? If they still wake during the night and demand a lot of attention (under 5) then it can be understandable that your husband doesn’t want anymore. If you discussed this before having children and you both agreed on two, it would be unfair for you to shift the goalposts, however… the longing you feel is real and it won’t go away on its own. It can consume your every thought if you let it. There are a few things you can do to help both yourself and your husband reach a compromise or an agreement where both of you are satisfied.

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

1) For the time being concentrate on the children you have, pour extra love into them. Our desire for more often leads us up a path where we forget to live in the present and appreciate what we already have.

2) Talk to your husband. Keep communication open without putting any pressure on him. Ask him why he doesn’t want any more children, his answers may surprise you. Maybe he’s looking forward to when the children are older so you can have more alone time together, maybe he misses you as a wife, maybe he feels he can just about handle two children, but another would be too much. Counselling can also help here; you can both discuss the reasons behind your decisions in a mutual environment.

3) Talk to someone, you may benefit from some therapy of your own to come to terms with his decision.

4) Wait. Depending on the age of your children, you could wait a year and then revisit the topic with your husband. As children grow and become more independent the prospect of having another doesn’t seem as scary.

Above all, don’t let this this come between you, your marriage came before the children did, and it’s important not to neglect it or to let resentment build. Keep the communication channels open and use the help that is out there to ensure both of you reach a compromise you’re both happy with.


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