Anonymous asks:

Hello, I had a really close friend around 10 years ago. We had known each other since we were teenagers about 10 years previous, but hadn’t been close. 

Then we became much closer very quickly, over a period of a couple of years we would see each other a few times a week and ended up travelling for 2 months. 

After that I started a course at University that took up quite a lot of my time and she got married. 

We kind of drifted apart, but whenever I tried to meet up or make amends it always felt one sided and she would come up with excuses not to meet. 

Eventually it fizzled out completely. It’s been 10 years now, but I still miss her and I have dreams on a regular basis about our friendship. 

I wake up feeling super low and sad. It really makes me want to contact her. I don’t have any current contact details, but I’m sure I could find a way if I wanted to. 

I’m pretty sure she won’t reply anyway. I just wondered what your advice would be? Thanks in advance.

 

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationship expert, said: “I would get in touch. What have you got to lose? It sounds like you and your friend had an amazing friendship. You don’t travel around the world together with someone for two months without having a real strong friendship. I totally get why you would want to rekindle that bond.

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

“Be prepared to be disappointed. You said that when you tried to reconnect with her previously it was very one-sided and you felt like you were doing all the running and she was coming up with excuses not to meet. She may well have changed but I doubt it, particularly if she is still with her husband. I am not saying that he is to blame for your estrangement from your friend but that change in her circumstances is clearly a big factor in her not wanting to see you.

“I would send her a message saying that you often think about the amazing times you shared together when you were younger and you would love to meet up if she was free. Hopefully she lives quite near to you and that will be easy to arrange. Let’s say she replies quickly and positively and you meet up and get on like a house on fire. Great - you could potentially have a new relationship for life. Let’s say, she doesn’t reply. Well, what have you lost? You always knew that she had gone a bit cold on the relationship and that remains the case. Yes, it would hurt a little for a few days, but you’d get over it. Let’s say that she agrees to meet up and then you meet and it is all a bit awkward and clearly whatever bond you had previously shared is no longer there. At least you have lanced that boil and know you are not missing out on anything. You can move on with your life knowing that you and your friend enjoyed some special times together in your youth but have gone in different directions since then and now have little in common. It happens to us all. You deserve credit for trying to give that friendship one last chance. You only get one life - send her a message."

Jessica is a sex and relationship expert with the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com

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