Hi Alexis,

Often meaningless sex can be due to a lack of self-esteem. It might be that you are afraid to let yourself get close to someone and that you are using the adventurous sex as a façade to stop yourself being vulnerable with another man.

Swinging is a huge self-esteem booster. The men are often on top form because they want some excitement in their sex lives and so likely put their all into it. This can make a woman feel very wanted, even if only for a few hours. Those who lack self-esteem worry about the moment after this. Will they still be wanted when the sex is over? Will they hold the interest of the guy after that?

Sex in a swinging environment is a sure thing- a relationship is not, which can be quite disconcerting for people. Why not try and work on your self-esteem first and then you might feel more prepared to have a relationship with a man?

Swinging and adventurous sex is not for everyone so once you do find a potential date it might not be worth being honest with them about your preferences too early on. This could frighten some men off- so neither of you are misled or get end up getting hurt, perhaps be patient and introduce things in the bedroom gradually. People can be more agreeable to sexual acts if they are built up over time and the trust is more established. Plus it means that the novelty won’t wear off too quickly!