Ellie asks :

Hi Lucy, 

How do I tell my boyfriend I don’t like his friend and his girlfriend? I have been going out with my other half for over 10 months now, and we are completely different in every way. And it works for us! He enjoys games, I enjoy books. But we still love to curl up and watch Prison Break together. It works well for us, but his friend is a lot like him. To be honest, I really don't like his friend that much. Or his friends girlfriend. They aren't the type of people I would normally choose to spend time with, and we have literally nothing in common, which makes it hard to have a conversation. They all love gaming and other geeky stuff. And I’m just not that into it. The last time we all hung out, we spent three hours playing Monopoly on the Xbox…THREE HOURS!!! When we go out for a meal, they don’t drink so we end up sitting around drinking pop like some over-aged teenagers. I am twenty-bloody-three and want to drink when I am out! It feels like I’m hanging around with a bunch of kids. The girlfriend is the complete opposite to me. I enjoy a nice dress and make-up, when I first met her she turned up in a Pokemon t-shirt. It says it all really. We have nothing in common. The only thing we do talk about it my pet rabbit (which my boyfriend bought from her) but there is only so much bunny related talk! I know he wants me to hang out with his friend and his other half, but am I obligated to? Is there a nice way to tell him that I don't like his friend that much? I know it would break his heart if I told him I don’t really get on with them. But I feel like I have to! Thanks, Baker Girl

 

Hi Ellie,

I like reading

I like reading

There is an element of compromise in any relationship and sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do to keep our partners happy. The time you spend with his friends sounds relatively short compared to the time you spend with your partner, it might help to think of how it's benefitting him to bring his girlfriend and his friends together.

That said; if you don't think you can find any more common ground with these people then perhaps suggest that he sees them on the same night as you go out with your friends. That way you both get time apart with other people and no one is forced into seeing people they don't want to.

He may not like hanging out with your friends either but is as reluctant as you to say so.

Rather than telling him that you don't like his friends, perhaps approach it from the angle of having nothing in common. It can be hard to socialise with people who are so passionate about things you aren't so he might sympathise over you feeling left out. Especially if his friend's girlfriend leans more towards their likes than yours.

If you don't enjoy your time with them, then it probably shows and may be causing your partner unnecessary stress if he recognises that.


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