Stan asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months. I love her more than anything and she loves me back. But we argue, constantly. It’s almost every day.
She's talked about breaking up because we're both so upset every time we argue. We want to be together forever but the arguing is killing us. Do we stay together? And if we do, how do we stop the arguing? I love this girl so much it is ridiculous and I want to marry her someday. Please, just tell me what I should do.
Hi Stan,
Agony Aunts on Female First
For many couples, arguing can fall into a habit rather than the thing you're arguing over having any substance. If you have reached a point where this is the only way you know how to communicate it becomes the norm.
If you're both in the habit of arguing, you may need to find some way to nip it in the bud before it escalates. If you argue over the same things, at the same time and in the same way, perhaps you need to break the repetition and make new routines together.
If you care about each other and want to be together long term, then it may benefit you to stop as soon as you feel you are on the cusp of an argument and give it some thought before saying or doing anything else.
What do you argue over? Are they insignificant things or are they routed in something much bigger?
If they are little things, you could try making small changes to stop them being such a niggle to the other person and ask yourself are they really worth getting angry over in the scheme of things? If not then, there is no need to let it ruin your relationship.
If it is something larger like a trust issue for instance it might be wise to seek out some counselling to help you through this difficult period in your relationship.
If you always resort to shouting and screaming at each other- it might help to try to talk about the issue instead and restrain yourself from raising your voice and vice versa. Give each other the time to explain your respective points of view, how her behaviours make you feel and how yours make her feel.
If you both love each other and have a common goal, there are ways and means to break this routine but it's important that you communicate about it in a constructive way. Raising your voices and not giving each other time to talk is not productive. It can breed resentment and a perceived lack of respect.
Ultimately if you are both upset after you argue this may indicate that you really don't want to, so it might be worth trying to put an end to this cycle so you can start and enjoy your time together.
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