Anonymous asks:

How do I deal with fake friends even if I am very attached to them. I'm confused help me!

Hi there,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

I’d really like you to define a ‘fake friend’ for me. But I will hazard a guess that it means people who have captivating, attractive traits yet tend to be two-faced or shallow.

I have a friend who is a very successful doctor – let’s call her Susan - a woman of maturity and means. She joined a dance group last year. This group was very cliquey. It was run by a domineering woman called Zara with a pack of over-bred miniature dogs which she brought to practice. Zara had charisma – more so, than the finger-biting dogs.

She had a deep compelling voice, sharp wit and danced like a pro. But she was also rather negative about some members of the group, causing painful divisions.

Here’s the thing. Susan, despite her better judgement, found Zara compelling. She knew she was two-faced and gossipy and prone to narcissistic behaviour. But she craved her approval and basked in the warmth of being one of her favourites.

Ultimately, the dance group became a toxic place with its members either anxious, bickering or whispering about each other. It eventually broke up.

Then, one day, Zara suddenly dropped Susan out of the blue. She gave no reason. She simply stopped replying to her texts and phone calls. Susan was shattered.

She had a rude awakening whereby she realised that she had been re-enacting a childhood pattern of always being attracted to the school bullies. Though not a bully herself, she got a payoff from riding on their ‘power’. But, longer term, this always ended up causing her more harm than good.

So, what is my point? Well, fake, shallow or manipulative people can often be very seductive. They know how to charm and influence people. How else would they be popular? But, because they are operating from a self-centred place, they can also create really toxic environments, and hurt people. Stay away from these people. You’ll be far more serene.

By Rachael Lloyd at eHarmony 


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