Anonymous asks:

My husband was having an affair, then had a stoma fitted which he is very uncomfortable with. He is now back on sleeping around and I thought it would stop. I can't confront him...he is a narcissist and just wipes the floor with me. I live hundreds of miles from family and friends and am alone here. I don't know what to do.

 

Relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “I really feel for you - your situation sounds absolutely desperate. You are clearly besotted with your husband and don’t want to leave and I will have to deal with your letter on that basis.

Fabio Principe / Alamy Stock Photo

Fabio Principe / Alamy Stock Photo

“The logical thing to do here would be to leave your husband and find someone new who will treat you with a little more respect. But you are isolated and feel very vulnerable and want to make the best of a bad lot. How do you do that? By telling him that he is out of order and his behaviour is threatening the marriage.

"You say that you cannot do that because he is a ‘narcissist and just wipes the floor with me.’ A narcissist is someone with an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and a lack of empathy for others. That sounds like your husband. Yes, standing up to him might backfire and it might make him behave even more unreasonably. But he is clearly not going to change if he thinks he can get away with cheating on you and not be confronted over his general selfishness and infidelity.

"I appreciate you are severely lacking in confidence and don’t feel you have the courage to stand up to him but you must. You cannot carry on living your life as this man’s doormat. He will respect your honesty and if he really values the marriage will modify his behaviour to please you. I don’t think he will stop cheating  - a leopard rarely changes his spots and he probably thinks your silence gives him permission to stray. But in confronting him he at least has clear guidance from you that you regard it as unacceptable and want him to change.

“I suspect that if you do confront him over his cheating he will deny it. So I would do your homework and provide proof in the face of his denials. You say that he is ‘back sleeping around’ so I imagine it will not be hard to provide proof. Faced with evidence of his betrayal and a plea from you that you want the marriage to work but not on these terms, you have your best chance of taming him and getting him to become the faithful husband that you deserve.

“If he is not prepared to change his behaviour despite your appeals you should really think about leaving him. The prospect of losing you for good might encourage him to change his ways and treat you with more consideration.”

Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com 


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