Mark asks :

Hi Lucy, 

How do I communicate effectively with my wife, it's like she speaks a different language.

 

Hi Mark,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

In some respects- men and woman do speak a different language because we are motivated by different things and are sensitive to others that our partners might not be and vice versa.

There are a few things you can do to help. Firstly, if you don't understand what's she's telling you, then ask her to clarify. If you don't say anything when you don't understand what she has said, she may assume you have understood. If you haven't- speak up- clarification shows that you have listened- so she will feel that you have paid attention to her.

Perhaps you could tell her that you feel communication is an issue in your relationship and talk through ways you can improve it. If she is sensitive in future to the fact that you don't always understand her then perhaps she will be more considerate when speaking.

If you feel tacking this issue on your own is too difficult then I would suggest seeking out a relationship counsellor. Communication is a vital tool in any relationship so you need to get it back on track by whatever means you feel more comfortable with.

Is it just when she talks about certain things? Perhaps the things you least understand are those that are emotionally charged. People a find it difficult to verbalise how they are feeling when they are upset, angry or stressed, so it might be case of trying to identify the underlying issues when she talks about specific things.

If she has detected that you don't understand her she may have given up trying and lacks the drive to explain herself to you. If this is the case and you haven't addressed it in the past then you may be veering off in opposite directions.

If you are both willing to put in the effort and make small but regular changes, then you should be able to communicate effectively with one another eventually. But it will take time and patience to get there.


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