Niamh asks :

Hi Lucy, 

We've moved here from Ireland, me and my husband. We came here for his job, but I'm not happy here and I can't talk to him about it because I don't want him to give up this job if he thinks I'm unhappy. I can't talk to friends and family at home because they will just tell me to come home but I can't leave him here. I've no job, no friends and hardly ever leave the house. It's really depressing me now, what should I do?

 

Hi Niamh,

We moved away from home for his job

We moved away from home for his job

Perhaps leaving his job and moving back home is not the only option to relieve you of this unhappiness. Could you ask your friends and family to come and visit you or take regular trips back home as a compromise?

Perhaps you could write to them, skype or call them in between to keep the communication flowing?

If your husband knows how unhappy you are then he may be willing to talk about alternatives if leaving his job is not an option right now.

Could you look for work? This might help to fill in some of your time, get you out of the house and generate some extra money for you to travel back and forth.

It might be time to look for a class or a hobby to help you to engage with new people and find something for yourself. It sounds like you have made a big sacrifice for your husband by moving, so maybe you need something that's just yours to give you some space from the house.

The job may not be forever, he may have taken it to open doors for other opportunities back home. It might be worth talking to him about this and come up with a long term plan for you to go back home eventually.

For the here and now, it seems that you need to touch base with people at home more regularly and find something that gives you a sense of satisfaction while you're in these new surroundings. It might help to look around for opportunities, make yourself a list and work through it to give you a focus on something other than missing home.

If you find yourself still struggling, then perhaps some sessions with a counsellor might help to discuss the low moods you have been having and how to cope with all of the change that is happening in your life right now.


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