Ted asks :
Hi Lucy,
My partner and I moved in together 3 months ago. It was a huge step for me living with someone other than my parents for the first time. But I've now become uncomfortable and unhappy in the house with her. Our sex life has dried up and I crave my own space and own bed. It feels like I'm a lodger renting off her, rather than a place we share. I do care about her but I'm constantly coming home from work and feeling miserable. I've found the most amazing flat to move into if I wanted to but when I tried to tell her my thoughts and be honest she got extremely upset and begged me to stay. I don't know what to do. My heart says stay but my mind says go...I can't stop thinking about having my own place! Help! Thank you
Hi Ted,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Moving in with your partner is a period of adjustment, especially if you have both moved from living with your parents. Not only do you have to learn to live with a new person, you have to get used to their habits, sharing a bed, a room, as well as all the pressures of paying bills and maintaining your home. It is a lot of change to cope with at once.
It has only been three months so it could be that you are still in the process of settling in and it may feel unnatural for a while longer.
Perhaps she reacted so badly to your suggestion because she interpreted it as a rejection of her and your relationship.
You could move out and stay dating while living apart- however somewhere down the line she may want to try living together again. If you are not ready now- will you be ready then?
When you talked to her- did you tell her everything? If you feel like a lodger, why is this? Could you suggest making some changes so there is more of a balance?
It could be that you feel you've missed out by not living by yourself and want to try living on your own for a while before you live with your girlfriend. If this is the case- then it might be wise to tell her- that it is nothing to do with her- but you want to have this experience before you settle down.
If you decide to live on your own- you might find that you yearn to be back with your partner. All I would say is be honest with your girlfriend every step of the way so she has time to process it and make arrangements if you want to do things separately.
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