Anonymous asks:

I’ve been with my boyfriend since the beginning of January. 

Things were nice at first because we were more like friends and then we became serious about each other. 

I had my heart broken before he came into my life, and I’m scared it happens again. 

We met a few times, then lockdown happened and we didn’t see each other for some time. 

I met him last week and it was horrible. I feel like he pressures me to do intimate things with him. 

I have to say “no” so many times for him to understand. 

And for some reason, he was asking about my friend and why she made a new account. 

He never asks me about anything about myself. 

I think I love him but I want to meet him in person to discuss everything that’s wrong because sometimes he can go days without texting me. 

He does have some good qualities but now I’m thinking hard about everything. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

Noel McDermott says: “The first thing I would say is trust yourself. You clearly feel something is wrong and needs to be discussed fully. You are correct, here’s a little relationship rule, if you can’t discuss important issues, especially matters that are upsetting you then it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. This is especially true at the moment, when it’s very easy to fall out of sync with someone in these times.

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Sadly during lockdown a lot of people have gotten caught up in online sexting, online hook ups and porn. Porn can be very destructive of genuine love connection in sex. I wonder if he has been involved in this and therefore developed some fantasies? Be upfront about your concerns, and ask him directly where these intimate requests are coming from. As an adult he should be able to explain this to you. Also no means no, saying it once is more than enough. I’m afraid if he can’t hear you when you say no then that is a major problem. It’s understandable someone might be passionate about seeing his girlfriend after a period of absence but this doesn’t excuse pressuring you. 

You are clearly seeing signs he is straying from monogamy and I would encourage you to ask him about it directly. I am also seeing those signs from your explanation. If he can’t satisfy your worries with his answers then I think it’s time to re-evaluate.” 

Noel McDermott is a Psychotherapist and International Speaker with over 25 years’ experience in health, social care and education. He is the founder and CEO of three organisations, Psychotherapy and Consultancy Ltd, Sober Help Ltd and Mental Health Works Ltd. which provide health and social care services to individuals, families and organisations dealing with mental health and addiction problems. www.noelmcdermott.net


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