Anonymous asks:

How can I help my fiance to have less insecurities and trust issues when it comes to me having fun? 

I'm a 19 year old woman, engaged to a 22 year old man. We live together and are super similar. We've basically morphed into one person, sharing clothes, eating the same food, waking up and going to bed at the same time.

Our lives revolve around each other. However despite this, there's one crippling difference - I'm an extrovert and he's an introvert.

I gave up a lot of my social life for him, such as going out and clubbing and sacrificing friendships which revolved around the social scene. 

I feel like I can live with this for the short term but there will be situations in the future (I'm attending university in September) where I will want to go out with friends and drink, whilst remaining loyal to him of course. 

I miss the feeling of being in a social situation and I asked him to participate earlier on in the relationship but he was adamant that he didn't enjoy going out (he has anxiety). 

This dilemma has cropped up again because my favourite band, Kings of Leon, are playing at a local music festival and I would absolutely love to go. 

I go to festivals each year and they're something I really look forward to, and I've never been so excited by a line up. 

However, this will be our first summer together and he really doesn't want me to go to any festivals. 

I've invited him to come with me and tried to reassure him that I would absolutely be faithful, but he's so stubborn. 

I even told him it was controlling behaviour and he deflected it, resulting in one of our biggest arguments. 

He was cheated on in a past relationship, and I think he is just so afraid of me doing the same. 

I love him and our relationship would be near to perfect if he was more relaxed with me doing things I find fun, yet his insecurities and trust issues are preventing this. 

The fact that I said yes to marrying him should prove my love, but he thinks that I need to leave festivals behind me and settle down. 

I'm only 19 and he's young too, we will have all the time in the world to settle down but I think we should enjoy our youth together too. 

I would love him to come with me and yet if he said if he was there he'd be getting annoyed about what I was wearing and how I was acting. 

He also said he'd break up with me if I went without him. What can I do? Besides the advice of ditching him.

 

Sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “This is one of the toughest dliemmas I have ever had to unravel. All my instincts say ‘ditch him’ but you are adamant that that is not what you want to do, so I will have to look at other options.

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

“The key to all this is your boyfriend’s anxiety and whether that is a temporary issue that he will get over in time or a permanent condition. You say that he is an introvert and I suspect that will always be the case. But will he always be so anxious that he cannot bear the idea of his fiance going to a festival without him - to such an extent that he is prepared to end your engagement to prove his point? Those are some real anxiety issues. You are both very young. You are still a teenager and your boyfriend is only 22. Lots of us have anxiety issues at that age that we eventually grow out of. I really hope that is the case with your boyfriend. He does have fairly deep-seated issues with anxiety at present and I would recommend that he talks to his GP about them. There could be some medication that will help him. If he really wants to make the relationship work with you, it is vital that he faces up to this issue and seeks help because the situation you are in is not sustainable in the long-term.

“You are off to university in September. That will throw up all sorts of exciting possibilities for you. You will meet new friends who will think you are mad not to go to festivals because of your ‘controlling’ (yes, that is what he is) boyfriend back home. You clearly love him deeply and you cannot imagine a future without him. Sorry if I sound patronising but you are only 19 and you won’t be the first teenager to head off to a new life at university and outgrow the relationship you have left behind at home. I repeat again: you are 19. Do you really want to get married and settle down at such a young age? There is a big exciting world out there for  you to discover and enjoy. You will never do it with this man at home dictating your behaviour, based on his own issues with anxiety.

“I suspect you will do everything you can to prove me wrong and make a go of it with your fiance when you are at uni. If you are prepared to give up the Kings of Leon and bow to his frankly ludicrous threats to end the relationship over a festival visit, then this man has a powerful hold on your feelings. But if he does not change there is no hope for this relationship in the long-term and this man will stifle you and stop you from getting the best out of what should be amongst the best three years of your life at university.”

Jessica is a relationship expert for the dating site IllicitEncounters.com 


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