Raphael asks :

Dear Lucy, 

My girlfriends is generally a happy person, however when something bothers her like an upcoming exams or having to buy "perfect" gifts for all of her best friends, she'll start to get depressed or emotional over the stress. 

Being the one who needs to look after her, I try to help her out by suggesting what to do. She's a really head strong and stubborn girl and doesn't want anyone to help her but we’ve been together for a year now. She has opened up a bit and willing to hear me out and even do what I thought was best to do. 

But she's still stubborn to this day and I just don't like seeing her getting all stressed out or depressed P. S She used to have a lot of anxiety before, although it's not as much before I still don't know how to help her.

 

Hi Raphael,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

It sounds like you have started to talk about her reactions to certain situations. It seems like her trust for you has grown if she is opening up to you more and more.

You seem to be someone who can make her look at things differently and put things into perspective. This will create a good balance in your relationship when she is feeling particularly anxious.

If such situations have always stressed her out, chances are it will be a hard habit to break, so it may just take time and patience. It sounds like you are heading in the right direction by what you are doing.

If you can create a safe space to talk over what goes through her mind in these situations, then this itself might help to diffuse her anxiety. Sometimes it helps to talk a problem through to feel like you've lessened the burden.

Although buying your friends gifts might not be something that triggers stress in you, it's important to acknowledge that it's significant in her world. Stress is not a competition because everyone handles it in their own way so be mindful of that so she feels you are in the moment with her.

If you feel like you're struggling on your own, then perhaps suggest she see a counsellor to talk through her feelings with a professional. She will still have you but the extra support might just help her to manage her stress levels better.


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