Lydia asks :

Lydia asks :

I have a 21 year-old son who left home 2 months ago to stay with my ex mother in law. It came after another big argument as his girlfriend had stayed with us for almost two weeks and lives only few minutes away. She stays in his room while we both at work and I find it stifling that she is here so long even though I like her. She does work shifts as a nurse but seemed to spend all her time at our home. She is not allowed to stay at the grandmother's house overnight, but he accepts this? Yet stormed off after I said 2 nights a week for her to stay as it was his home, but he wouldn't understand it's my home too, but she doesn't live there with us yet was getting to feel like it. We always got on and were so close. I also got on well with the girlfriend. It does not help that my daughter and son also do not get on because of the gf and when my daughter is home to visit the atmosphere is awful hence I asked if she could go home and stay only for a couple nights a week. He lost his temper got upset and the gf gave him grief also about not being able to stay so much that I feel it's like a bereavement in that he doesn't want to come see me. Also not helped that my ex-husband told him he saw no harm in her staying so long but he doesn't have the room for him to stay with him and his partner's son is living with them and he's in his 20's. I feel right that I had to say something as I felt anxious in my own home but I can't be made to feel like this if he comes home so I've not asked him to return which I think also goes against me. I've felt so low but see no resolution to this awful situation. We were all so close yet now he doesn't seem to care for any of us even though I text to check he's ok. He's a genuine lad who has good couple friends tho she doesn't like them either.


Our Resident Real Fairy Godmother Michelle Zelli says:

My daughter and son also do not get on because of his girlfriend

My daughter and son also do not get on because of his girlfriend

Dear Lydia,

This is a painful and difficult situation, but you are right to protect the atmosphere in your own home. Of course you are missing him and your connection, it could be he needs to go away to find his adult feet, to grow up a little and an opportunity to redefine your parent/adult child relationship? You’re suffering a loss, hence feeling low and grieving, nothing hits as hard as when children move away - physically and emotionally.

Let things cool down, continue to send messages letting him know you’re thinking of him but take care to avoid saying anything to fuel the fire. Simply knowing you still love him will give you both the space to calm down and re-evaluate your relationship. Sometimes we are so triggered and hurt that we don’t behave at our best when we do get together.

Focus on the family you do have around you. Gather your friends, plan things you love and bring joy into your life. Your son may not reconnect in a time scale that is ideal for you, as hard as it is, take this time to focus on building a life that you love.

Michelle Zelli 

Michelle Zelli AKA ‘The Real Fairy Godmother.’ is a renowned international life coach. She blends her Blue Chip board-level background with spiritual wisdom and cutting edge science and has transformed her own life from a difficult and dysfunctional childhood to a successful executive.  Michelle is relentless in her own mission for self-mastery and teaching others to find their own powerful path. This dedication has seen her train with the very best globally, and has since become a secret weapon for celebrities and CEOs worldwide. 

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