Emma asks :
Hi Lucy,
My boyfriend in the last few months has really let his house go and it's a real mess. It's got to the stage where I don't want to be there. We're long distance so coming to mine isn't always an option. When I've tried to discuss it with him he said that because he's highly intelligent he probably doesn't notice it, which annoyed me even more due to his arrogance. I've tried doing it myself but it's in a worse state the next time and I don't see why I should.
Hi Emma,
Agony Aunts on Female First
You shouldn't have to clean up his mess- if he lets it get into such a state, then he should be the one to sort it out.
With that said, it doesn't sound very pleasant for you when you go around. Could you refuse to go and see him until he cleans it up? If he thinks he'll miss out on some time together he might just set too and tidy it up. Could you suggest staying in a hotel to reinforce how much it bothers you?
His intelligence has no bearing on how clean he keeps his surroundings so it's not a valid argument. Perhaps he sees it as a waste of time and believes he has better things to spend his time on- but it just came out in the wrong way. It sounds like he's using it as an excuse which it seems you aren't buying.
If he's unwilling to make the place welcoming when you arrive, then perhaps it's something you will have to learn to live with and expect if you were ever to move in with one another.
It all depends on how much it bothers you- if it's unbearable and he refuses to change then you may be better off with someone who cares more about their environment than he does and wants to make an effort for you coming over.
tagged in boyfriend
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