Jade asks :

Hi Lucy, 

Am I being unreasonable? My girlfriend and I live in different cities but I travel to where she lives every week for work. I stay with her two days a week. Over the past few months she has started dancing again, taking classes, and she spends most of her evening at her classes. I can see that it's good for her and she enjoys it and feels healthier. The problem is, I'm only with her for those two days in the week and she dances every day. I feel like she could take at least one day off to spend time with me but she doesn't. I'm grateful that I can stay at her house but she thinks it's fine that I wait at her house alone whilst she's out. We never go out to dinner or to see a movie for example, it's just all about her classes. Please help me, am I being unreasonable?

 

Hi Jade,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

It sounds like your girlfriend might still be in the honeymoon phase with her dancing. If it's a new thing, then the novelty might wear off at some point, leaving more time for you and her to do the things you used to. Sometimes when people find a new hobby, it can be absorbing for the first few weeks until it becomes normal. She may still be enjoying the feeling of meeting new people and doing something different. With that said, it is important to make just as much time for your hobbies as you do your partner.

If you feel that there is an imbalance in your relationship then it might be best to talk to her. If you approach it from the angle of missing her, then she might see that she has been really passionate about her dancing of late and your relationship has been affected as a consequence.

Perhaps tell her you understand that it's making her feel better about herself, so you are showing her than you can see it from her point of view.

Then you may feel in a position to ask her if she can take the time off from dancing so you can spend more time together.

It does sound like your time is precious when you are in the same city so perhaps you both need to make the most of it. In order to do this, you may need to have a discussion about how you can use this time more effectively rather than spending the night apart.


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