Confused asks :
Hi Lucy,
I'm in my mid-20s and I've recently started seeing someone from work. It's my first physical relationship (of any kind) and despite being less than a month- things have moved quite quickly.
He's respectful and controlled so I'm not worried that I'll be forced into anything that I don't want to do, but my low self esteem in relationships has started to make me feel guilty about not sleeping with him.
My lack of experience means that I'm not sure at what pace a relationship is supposed to go and despite his ability to be completely honest about his feelings and considerate of mine, every time I want to express myself emotionally- I freeze. This is not something that has happened to me before.
Hi Confused,
Agony Aunts on Female First
There is no specific pace a relationship is supposed to take- it's all dependent on what feels right for you both. If you aren't ready to sleep with him- then don't- and wait until you do feel you're in a place to take it a step further, if you do. There is nothing to feel guilty about.
The point is- if he cares about you- waiting shouldn't be an issue- he should enjoy your company, your conversations and your non-physical connection just as much as what the future might hold. You say he is respectful and controlled and you don't feel forced into anything so it sounds like he is ok with letting you set the pace.
It is understandable that you 'freeze' when you want to be most honest with him if this is your first physical relationship. It will probably feel alien to you, so be kind to yourself and allow some time to get used to him and letting your guard down. This won't happen overnight- trust takes time. If he trusts you enough already to open up- that's his decision and his willingness to be an open book with you might be a positive influence and help you to do the same eventually.
tagged in Relationship self-esteem
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