R asks :
Hi Lucy,
My boyfriend of five years has just proposed to me (to which I said yes) and I couldn't be happier. He's a wonderful person who treats me with the utmost respect and would never do anything to hurt me. However, I'm having a problem telling my family about my engagement. Most of my family get on well with my boyfriend but one or two of them seem to have a dislike towards him, despite the fact he has never done or said anything wrong. One member of my family has even said to another through a Facebook message that they hope I break up with him. How can I tell my family about my engagement when I know some of them are going to react negatively towards the news?
Hi R,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Although it's hard not to have the support of everyone when you make a big step with your partner, sometimes you have to learn to ignore their negativity unless they have a really important reason for being against your union.
If you are happy with your fiancé and he treats you well, then perhaps you need to focus on that rather than worrying about what other people think.
People will always have something to say when someone makes the next step in their life. It encourages conversation, gossip and opinion. The only opinion that really matters is yours and your partner's as you are the ones who are going to live with one another and be in each other's company for the rest of your lives. Your family will see him far less often, so for your sake they should be civil.
You mention that they 'seem' to have a dislike for him but it sounds like they haven't said anything to your face. Perhaps you have got the wrong impression?
You could ask them for their honest opinion however it might take the shine off a time in your life when you are supposed to be celebrating and on a high.
If you feel the need to know before you marry your partner then perhaps you could sit down with them and ask them why they make you feel this way and if it has any truth to it. It might just put your mind at ease.
In terms of the person who sent the Facebook message- think about their motivations. Are they single and perhaps jealous of your pairing? Is your relationship moving at a faster pace than theirs? Have they recently gone through a break up and have a negative opinion of relationships as a whole?
Often when someone has a negative comment about a friend/family member's life choices it's generally because they aren't happy with their own or have regrets.
You are not responsible for other people's reactions, only your own, so if you tell them the news- it might help to simply walk away and let them have whatever opinion they want.
People talk- you can never escape that- what you can do is try not to dwell on it so much and focus on working towards your next goal with your partner.
tagged in Family Engagement boyfriend
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