Aimee asks :
Hi Lucy,
Me and my partner have just moved in with each other. We have already started arguing and I'm already starting to doubt if we have made the right decision.
We've been together for 3 years so thought it was a good time to move out. However he has no idea how much things cost and wastes money and eats everything and then says "well it’s not yours, it's ours".
When I ask him to do simple things like wash his cup up instead of leaving it on the side he just says to stop telling him what to do. He doesn't understand that he can't be selfish anymore and it's not just down to me to do everything. What can I do?
Hi Aimee,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Moving in with your partner can be a very stressful time. It might feel worse if this is the first time you have lived away from home or lived with any partner. It's adjusting to two big changes all at once which can be overwhelming.
One or both of you might assume that you can live how you lived before, but that is never the case because you have to learn to live together. You have to negotiate over all of your joint space rather than being just someone's roommate or having one room to yourself like you do at home.
If he is bad with his finances, then perhaps you could take control of the bills and monitor the bank accounts. That way he can just give you a set amount each month and you can send it to where it needs to go.
Whatever he has left is for him to spend. The same goes for you. There is usually a person in every relationship who is good with money and another who isn't so it might be time to play to your strengths if he is bad at managing money.
If he sees that you are able to socialise and do things all month round, then he may start to think more carefully about his spending. If his activities are restricted near the end of the month because he has spent all his money, then you might be the good example he needs to help him to change.
If he eats all the food then maybe you could set up a budget for your shopping bill. If he eats everything there will be nothing left in the house- so he might have to learn the hard way that he needs to cut back on his consumption or the cupboards will be empty long before your next shop. Perhaps you could divide the food up for each day or make a list of meals for each night so he can see how long one batch of food needs to last.
If he isn't doing his share of the chores, then perhaps you could set up a cleaning rota? One night you do something and the next he does his bit. That way it's equal and distributed fairly.
A lot of moving in together is about good communication. If he feels that you are bossing him about then he may be less likely to help. If you sit down and talk to him about it and work through a system that suits you both- eventually you should achieve a balance.
tagged in Partner
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