cat asks :
My boyfriend loves anal sex. We have been together for over 5 years and first tried to introduce it into our sex life about 3 years ago and it had succeeded a handful of times. However, I don't want to try anymore because I find it painful, I have gastric and bowel health problems and for me, the anus is an exit not an entrance, anal penetration does not arouse me and I can live without it. He tells me repeatedly that I'm missing out on pleasure, that because it worked for us in the past we will be able to do it again etc. I have said no to doing it ever again because I wanted to be honest and not lead him on, which was difficult for me as he has told me before if anal sex wasn't part of our relationship he would think about breaking up because there is no point being with someone and not getting what you want because life is short. when I say I don't want to do it he gets disappointed and huffs so it becomes a huge debate everytime. He makes jokes and innuendos to anal sex all the time, every day and it has really wore me out that its constantly part of our relationship whether we are doing it or not. I feel outnumbered and alone. Am I being unreasonable and closedminded?
Technically speaking the anus is not built for penetration and with anal sex, there can be a lot of complications, especially if you have trouble in this area to begin with. He is being very childish in his attitude about this, sulking when he doesn’t get what he wants is not the way to conduct himself in an adult relationship. If he has threatened to break up with you over something like that, then he doesn’t care about you enough. He is either calling your bluff or you need to end it and find someone who will respect your wishes in the bedroom. There are plenty of other things you can do to keep your relationship alive other than anal sex.
What should I do?
If you don’t want to do something in the bedroom, then there is no way you should be forced into it. Tell him that it’s off the cards, period, and if he can’t deal with that, to find someone who will give in to his demands.
There are plenty of butt plugs and anal toys out there on the market right now, perhaps you could try using one of them on him so he can appreciate how it feels, then maybe he will change his mind on the matter.
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