Minnie asks :

Hello Lucy,

I have been seeing my boyfriend for 5 months and we have plans to see a concert and a weeks’ holiday booked in the next couple of months. 

I feel I have made a mistake booking these with him as I don’t feel like I want to be with him anymore. It’s very difficult as he is a lovely person and a loyal and loving boyfriend, there’s just no spark for me. He will also be moving away in the summer and there’s no way of us staying together unless we do the long distance thing which I feel won’t work. I know I need to end things but he will be very upset and I do care for him, also I’m not sure what to do about the concert and holiday? Thank you

 

Hi Minnie,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

If you are certain that you don't want to be with him then it might be better to break things off with him sooner rather than later.

If you let it drag on until right before he goes away he will have to deal with the break up as he is leaving which is a lot to process at once. If you break up with him now then he will have time to digest it before he has another big change in his life.

In terms of the concert and the holiday- is there anyone else you can take instead? Or could you cancel the booking for your holiday or sell the tickets? You do have other options if you really don't want to go with him or you've broken up by then.

The other alternative is to talk to him. You say he is loving and loyal, but he may also be thinking the same as you- that you might not be able to survive long distance. If you feel a lack of spark then he might also but hasn't said anything because he is afraid to hurt you as you are anxious about hurting him.

Break up always cause upset along the way for the person at the receiving end and the person who's instigating the split. Sometimes it's kinder however to end a relationship before a partner falls anymore in love or becomes any more attached when it's not reciprocated.

If you talk and are both of the same opinion, then maybe you can go on holiday or to the connect as friends. Perhaps him leaving could be a natural parting of ways so it doesn't have to get messy?


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