I feel like I’m failing my children.
I had them very young, a boy and a girl four years apart.
I don’t have a partner and still live with my parents.
I have lived separately from them before but financially it wasn’t plausible.
I work part time at a school so as not to worry about child care.
My mother is overbearing and always sticking her nose in when it is very much not wanted.
My son is highly sensitive and throws a tantrum at the drop of a hat - it is difficult to get him excited about anything.
My daughter is bubbly, happy go lucky and up for anything - she has anxiety though and worries a lot about being in trouble or others being in trouble.
I worry she sometimes gets left behind a little when I am drained from dealing with my son’s tantrums.
I always make sure I have 1:1 time with them every day but I just don’t seem to be able to help them be happy or content :(
Sex and relationship expert Jessican Leoni said: “You are being way too hard on yourself, which is understandable given your circumstances because you have an awful lot on your plate.
“Let’s look first at the issue of your children. You had them young and presumably split up with their father who I am assuming is no longer part of their lives because you don’t mention him in the letter. If anyone is failing his children, it is him. Of course it is going to be a struggle bringing up two needy kids on your own when you had them ‘very young’ - I am assuming as a teenager. Your son does sound like he has mild behavioural issues but nothing that millions of other parents aren’t experiencing with their stroppy boys. All kids have tantrums. I am more concerned about his lethargy and your inability to get him excited about anything. This does need addressing and I would do everything I could to find a passion for the boy - it could be sport, art, computers, cubs, anything that will engage his inquisitive young mind. Your daughter sounds delightful - ‘bubbly, happy-go-lucky and up for anything.’ It sounds like you have done a brilliant job bringing her up on your own. Don’t get too concerned about her anxiety. All kids have anxiety - they are natural worries. As parents, all we can do is allay those fears and hope that they grow out of them as they get older and they realise that there was nothing to worry about after all and childhood had caused them to heighten everyday risks.
“Finally, let’s deal with your mother. You say she is ‘overbearing’ and ‘always sticking her nose in when it is very much not wanted.’ She doesn’t sound like the most helpful granny and it must be really tricky sharing a house with her. But it is her house. Let’s cut her some slack for being there for you and your kids and helping you to bring them up. I am sure she is only interfering because she loves you and her grandchildren and, like a lot of grandparents, she thinks she knows best. Gently point out to her how tough you are finding it bringing the children up on your own and ask her to be more supportive. Maybe have a word with your dad and see if he can smooth things over.
“I love the fact that you ensure you have one-to-one time with your kids every day - you would be amazed how many parents overlook this crucial part of their development. To me, you sound like a brilliant mum. Pat yourself on the back and try not to over worry about the normal trials of parenthood.”
Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com
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