I’ve been recently dating someone who is one of my friends, since January, and we got together in the beginning of March officially.
However I recently found something out. After we got together- on Valentine’s Day in February, I went home back to my family after having dinner with my girlfriend.
She was drunk and one of my friends got drunk too so they hung out.
When I got back from the weekend, my friend asked me if he could talk to me so I said okay.
He told me that he felt upset about other things.
Then a sudden topic came up, he told me that on the day of Valentine’s Day, he slept with my girlfriend and I was extremely tired so I didn’t really take it to heart.
I just told him to get out of my room. And then I ignored both of them, my friend and girlfriend.
A few days later, I find out that she didn’t even remember that they had sex because she blacked out.
So now I don’t know what to think of the situation. I found this out and it turns out all my other friends knew about the situation too.
But didn’t want to get involved which I understand.
However, that makes me feel so hurt!
It’s been a month since this all happened/ when I found out. And even though me and my girlfriend are together, I still feel the same terrible feeling every time I’m in a room with my friend and her.
I don’t know what to do. I want to be with her still and I know that they were both single and drunk so technically it wasn’t wrong but, it’s morals.
I would NEVER do that to a friend. He was the first person I told that I had feelings for her so why would he do that to me? Same for her?
Sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “As you say, your girlfriend was single at the time and so was your friend. They had a drunken fling on Valentine’s Day and then both went their separate ways. Your girlfriend subsequently developed feelings for you and you two are an item. Great - enjoy what you have and don’t dwell on the past.
“I fail to see why you feel that you have been let down by your friend. You were not going out with your girlfriend at the time. Did your friend know that you had feelings for her? If they did, I can see why you might be upset and that he has behaved insensitively. If you had not made your intentions clear, what was he supposed to do? Avoid her on the assumption that you might one day develop an interest?
“As for your girlfriend, it sounds like you are enjoying seeing each other and you have genuine feelings for her. Good - finding the right match is tough and you need to appreciate what you have. She says that she was so drunk that she blacked out and cannot remember sleeping with your mate. I suspect that she is trying to spare your feelings in coming up with this story. If she really was so drunk that she could not properly consent then that is a matter for the police, but I really don’t think that is what happened. She has told a white lie to assuage your feelings.
“Put this behind you, savour what you have with your girlfriend and respect your friend for having the guts to be honest with you and tell you the truth about a one-night stand with your girlfriend which is very much in the past.”
Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com
tagged in agony aunt
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.