Marie asks :
Hi Lucy,
My husband and I used the withdrawal method of contraception but now we want to get pregnant but he can’t seem to come. He’s not comfortable with games, I have tried saucy lingerie. He tried to masturbate after one round sex but he still couldn't come. We are in early 40's he is very fit, I am reasonably fit, we are together about 4 years.
Hi Marie,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It sounds like it might be something psychological that is stopping him from reaching orgasm. Maybe you could talk to him about getting pregnant- is it what he really wants or could he be going along with it for your sake? Make sure that you are both ready and willing to take this big step in your relationship.
There is a lot of pressure for men to perform especially when you are trying for a baby, so perhaps it’s all getting too much for him and it’s affecting his drive because his mind is taking over what his body wants to do.
He has formed a habit to pull out when you are having sex before he reaches orgasm- so he has likely trained himself to think that ejaculating inside you is ‘wrong’ and he likely needs to retrain himself to know that it’s now fine to do so. This could take time.
Perhaps your sex life is more scheduled around when is best to conceive, which can feel forced if neither or one of you is not the in the mood. So many couples only have sex when the woman is ovulating, but let’s not forget that sex is something to be enjoyed not endured so some sex just for fun is probably going to do you no harm.
Perhaps take the fixation away from trying for a baby for a little while and simply focus on getting your bodies to remember what it was like before you started using your chosen method of contraception. Maybe combining both is putting too much pressure on him and you and that is why it’s not going the way you want it to.
You may feel like your time is running out; however bodies often fall back into what their natural instincts are faster than you might think. He might just need to feel more relaxed for it to be successful.
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