What he wanted wasn't good for my mental health- was I right to leave?

24 May 2021

Anonymous asks :

I left my partner of 2 years 6 months ago because he said the only way he would stay with me is if he could sleep with other girls but still have me as his partner.

I stayed for a while until it got too much for my mental health.

I ended up cheating on him with a girl who I’d had a crush on for many years.

Me and the girl have been together since I cheated, however I’m still in love with my ex partner.

He’s moved on too but I just feel so lost and confused.

Sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “Wow - what a mess!"

Image courtesy of Pixabay

"Let’s start with your ex-partner. You were together for almost 3 years which is a long time. I get why you love him so much - lots of marriages don’t last that long. For whatever reason, he could not commit to monogamy beyond that time and wanted to play the field while maintaining the security blanket of a relationship with you. You bailed out because it was ‘too much for your mental health.’ I am stating the obvious but a leopard does not change its spots. If you were to get back with your partner, do you really think he would stay faithful? There is not a chance in hell. He wants to have his cake and eat it."

"If you are prepared to share him with others and have an open relationship, then by all means finish with this girl and seek out your ex-partner. But that is a quick route to heartache. You will never be happy stuck at home on your own while he is out sleeping with other women. You need to get this man out of your system. He is bad news. It sounds to me that he has had no difficulty getting you out of his system. You say that he has moved on and is no doubt sleeping with another woman and messing her around, too, with his demands to sleep with others."

“That just leaves the issue of your current partner. This girl really doesn’t deserve to be messed around as you have been by your ex-partner. That won’t be good for her mental health. You need to work out in your head if you want to stick with her. If you do, then properly commit to her and try to move on from your ex. I know that is easier said than done when you are pining for someone who is ultimately unsuitable. Bear in mind: no good will come from any attempts to rekindle your relationship with this man.”

Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com

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