Anonymous asks:

Hi, I'm 32 married with 3 children. I married my childhood sweetheart and we have been together since we were 15. 

Over the last couple of years my husband has been texting this particular woman sending flirty messages and I'm not happy about the messages he has been sending. 

He tries to talk it down like it's only a bit of banter and there nothing to it, he only seems to do it when there is alcohol involved and when I confront him he thinks I'm overreacting. 

This is really breaking my heart- he doesn't realise how much this is affecting me mentally. 

I don't know what to do. Please can you give me some advice.


Sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “I really feel for you and I can completely understand why this is ‘breaking your heart’. It would break anyone’s and it is a desperately sad situation.

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

“I’m afraid I often get this issue with people who marry their childhood sweethearts. I suspect that you were both virgins when you met and neither of you has slept with anyone else. This was fine in your teens and 20s when you were still in the first flushes of love and in those exciting early years together. Now you are both in your 30s and are coping with three young children having spent half of your lives in a relationship together. It is very common for one, if not both partners, to start thinking that the grass is greener and seeking some outside stimulation. I have seen this happen so many times. 

“You have to put a stop to your partner’s flirting because he is showing you zero respect in behaving in this way with your full knowledge. This won’t be easy. He has been with you for 17 years and he is only 32 - part of him is clearly longing for some outside stimulation and is excited by the idea of seeing someone else. He won’t want to give it up easily. But if he truly loves you, he must. His first thought should be for your three children and how his selfishness is impacting on their happiness.

“I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt. I would be much more worried if your husband was arranging to meet this woman rather than just enjoying banter over text. Lots of couples flirt fairly innocuously with members of the opposite sex without their partners ever knowing. They have no intention of taking things further and it is just harmless banter. Your situation is different because he is doing it right under your nose when he is drunk - and persisting with this behaviour even though he knows that he is upsetting you deeply.

“Tell him he has got to stop and if he doesn’t he is threatening the future of your marriage. Hopefully he will realise what an idiot he has been and what he is in danger of losing. The grass really is not greener on the other side - particularly when you have what sounds like a good marriage and three children who need you both.”

Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, 

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