Anonymous asks:

I’ve met this guy, our relationship, although still undefined started as a fwb situation which I was fine with but has since developed into something more exclusive. 

I think I really like him and find myself missing his company and struggle to sleep on my own. 

However I’m scared I’m getting too attached and he has no intention on making anything definite or serious. 

He did over the holidays come to my house for New Years and met my parents which for me is a really big thing but I genuinely believe he’s not properly over his ex. 

He is still using tinder and similar apps regularly, I don’t want to get hurt but also don’t want to not have him in my life.

 

Rachael Lloyd from eHarmony says: 

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Hi there,

Welcome to an all too familiar place - the ‘fake relationships zone’. I’m sorry, I know that sounds harsh, but sometimes it pays to be blunt. If it’s any consolation, you’re not the first visitor. I’ve been there myself. I once dated a sophisticated, gorgeous man called Fred who was limping out of an eight-year relationship. He took me to his mother’s for dinner on our second date. He introduced me to his son on our fourth date. He swiftly swept me away for weekends in Rome where we went cycling in the sunshine, had silly amounts of sex and ate gelato for lunch.

It was as if he wanted to leapfrog over the usual stages of a new relationship – the getting to know you gradually bits – into a big commitment without blinking. I strongly suspected at the time that this was too good to be true. But I was completely infatuated, so I shut my eyes to the truth for a while (i.e. that Fred was on a giant rebound) and hoped that we were heading in the right direction. Four months in, everything started to unravel. With the sheen of our initial attraction dulled by over-familiarity (we were practically living together from day one) deep cracks appeared.

Fred got increasingly stressed. He started chain smoking and barking at me for all sorts of slight misdemeanours (‘oh my god, you left a teaspoon on the counter!’). He once burst into tears over his ex while we were cuddled up in bed watching Frozen (yes I know, but I like musicals). Then he started talking about his new fascination with polyamory and wondered whether it was something I’d ever considered. (Um, nope).  

In the end, I gently broke up with him. In truth, he just wasn’t that into me and needed time to process the demise of his last relationship. I was standing in the way of his healing. It hurt like hell but I knew I’d done the right thing – and so did he. I tell this story to help you see you’re not alone, and fake relationships can be both delicious and confusing.

Just because someone introduces you to their parents, spends public holidays with you and is sexually charged around you, doesn’t mean they’re your boyfriend. Particularly if they’re still on dating apps! It might be that they’re just enjoying the shared romantic experiences without the pressure of a commitment. So, my advice is – ask him whether he’d be willing to delete the dating apps and commit properly. You’ve got nothing to lose. If he ums and ahs and nothing changes…then nothing changes. He isn’t your boyfriend. He’s a friend with benefits. And what you choose to do with that truth is up to you. 


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