Anonymous asks :
I recently reconnected with an old friend, he told me things were complicated with an ex.
We decided to meet up and just get to know each other and see where it may lead.
He’s told me he wants to settle down etc. and things have been going good between us.
But he still sees his ex and told me he can’t tell her he’s met someone else due to a work commitment they have in July!!
Am I being naive?
It seems to me pretty clear that you want this man to commit to you, in terms of being in an exclusive relationship.
However, he has made it quite clear he is not currently in the position to be completely available to you.
You refer to him as an old friend, did you have the same type of friendship then that you do now? As in having a physical relationship, which I'm presuming you now have?
If so, it may appear this man sees you as a convenient person to go to while he works through his stuff and is telling you what you want to hear to keep you around.
In relation to you being naive, perhaps you know deep down it's unlikely you'll get this man to commit, despite hoping this time he might.
It is unusual for things to develop further with someone you have had an opportunity to develop things with at a time you were both single before, but not impossible. If you want him to view you as a woman who knows her worth, make it clear that you are keeping your distance until he has cleared up his situation to non-complicated, set and stick to your boundaries, that means no physical relationship without exclusivity, and when you can see he is fully emotionally available.
Siobhan Copland, Matchmaker, Relationship Coach
tagged in agony aunt
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