Did you know that men have three times as many orgasms as women? That is largely because most women don’t climax through intercourse - only 30% can do it without added clitoral stimulation. But there are simple way to shake things up and make sure that you both have the same number of orgasms (or at least bring your numbers closer together!). Lovehoney sex and relationship expert and erotic author Annabelle Knight provides 7 ways to jumpstart your libido and get the passion back in the bedroom.
1. Have one dirty weekend away every six weeks - it doesn’t have to be expensive, but just going somewhere you don’t have to worry about the dishes can make a big difference. If you can’t manage or afford a weekend, aim for one night. If that’s impossible, try a few solo hours away from the kids or other responsibilities, even if it means camping in the back garden or a few stolen hours in a low-cost hotel. A survey by US researchers said time away together cures 90% of couples who say they’re in a rut and have lost the magic.
2. Don’t be greedy - very few individuals have consistently great sex. Most of us stumble through with a mix of outrageously grand sessions, ordinary sex and the odd highly embarrassing incident! Even couples who rate their sex life as fantastic admit only 2-3 sessions out of every 10 are sheet-grabbing material. Push yourselves when things are good, but be kind and forgiving when things aren’t.
3. Use sex toys - adding toys to play could greatly enhance her chances of orgasming as well as him. Try a vibrating love ring, which is worn during intercourse. The stretchy silicone rings can keep him harder for longer, as the textured clitoral stimulator and intense vibrations unleash a whole new league of shared pleasure. Introduce a bullet vibrator during intercourse so she can have some added stimulus during penetration.
4. Keep it fresh - make sure you try something new every week. Here's one that might work: hot wax play. Invest in a massage candle, use it to set the mood and when the wax has cooled pour it on your partner. The temperature change will awaken your nerve endings making them more responsive to your touch - this makes for a fantastic bedroom session, and unlike traditional candles, massage candles burn at a lower temperature so there’s less chance of injury.
5. Introduce an element of surprise - at least once a week do something special and take on the mindset you had in the first week you were dating. Try anything just as long as you are both comfortable with it. Not sure where to start? Here’s one activity that can be a lot of fun - suck your partner’s toes. Most people will cringe at that, but once you get past the initial idea it can be a highly sexual experience. Your feet are a sensitive erogenous zone so will provide sexual thrills as well as giving you and your partner something new to try, and if you don’t enjoy it, you can at least have a good giggle together by trying.
6. Erotic literature is a great way to get you both in the mood. Read it together and return to your favourite passages. Even better, re-enact what you have just enjoyed in the book in the bedroom, even dressing up as your favourite characters. I've always been a huge fan of erotic books which is why I wrote my own one, The Endless Autumn, about a PA with an unexciting job whose world is turned upside down when she discovers a life-shattering secret.
7. Foreplay isn’t just an appetiser - the problem with the term “foreplay” is that it suggests an act you would indulge in before the real sex begins. For many people, foreplay IS real sex, so don’t cut it short. The pleasure is in the journey, after all.